Seriously....

I frequently ponder....what have I done wrong and why couldn't I have made better choices while younger.  There are so many who are able to stay home with their young children and live comfortably.  I am so grateful for the wonderful family and health and many luxuries that we do have, but I can't help but think...What if my van breaks down tomorrow (140K miles)?  How can I continue on this way when I am approaching the "red" more and more every month.  I need to make a choice but I struggle at even narrowing down my options.  My husband's advice, "Find something, and stick with it!"  but that's just not my personality.  I want adventure, to learn new and exciting things all the time!  To work at a sufficient job that is moderately satisfying and barely sustaining is death to my soul!!  Oh, awakening, come to light soon!!